Dealing With Difficult Relationships

Relationships are a fundamental aspect to our existence. From the time we are born to the time we have grown to be self-sufficient adults, we rely on human interaction and care in order to survive.

The foundations to how we relate to others is created largely through childhood and continues to expand and grow throughout our lives. As we grow, our relationship needs change.

One of the key recurring issues I see in my coaching practice are people who are unhappy with some aspect of their relationship with another person.

It could be their spouse, their parents, their boss, or friends. Whatever the nature of the relationship, somewhere along the way, people have become unhappy with how they interact with this other person.

They are no longer getting their needs met.

What happened? Whose fault is it? Is it them, you, or perhaps both?

In today’s video, I explore the above questions with you and help to break down the often confusing and highly emotional world of difficult relationships.

You’ll discover:

– What is the cause of our unhappiness?
– 5 key questions to to ask yourself to gain greater clarity on any relationship
– The critical ‘agreement’ that we all need to remember when dealing with anyone
– Who our teachers are and where to find them
– What technique to do when experiencing high emotions
– How to talk to anyone you are having difficulty with
– What you need to know in order to allow any relationship to flourish and grow…

Human Conscious Evolution In A Nutshell

Everyone is talking about being more aware or mindful these days but what does that really mean? Did you know that being aware does not mean paying greater attention? Attention has to do with concentrated focus on an object or activity. Awareness on the other hand is directly correlated to how consciously evolved you are.

Consciousness lies on a continuous spectrum and many scientists, philosophers and mystics have attempted to map human conscious evolution using various models. For example, Transpersonal Psychologist Abraham Maslow created the now famous Hierarchy of Needs which very simply illustrates how human beings must first have their physiological needs met before finally reaching what he expressed as human self-actualization.

Different Models For Human Conscious Evolution

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

David Hawkin’s Level’s of Consciousness

Another interesting model by which to express human conscious evolution would be the lesser known Dr. David R Hawkin’s Level’s of Consciousness. David was a psychiatrist who had a clinical practice in NY for many decades before turning into a popular spiritual teacher in Sedona, AZ. He is the author of many books including the most well known, Power vs. Force – The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior.

Dr. Hawkin’s has created a logarithmic model for human conscious evolution using an emotional scale and view of life. He describes in detail how an individual can hope to move beyond negative emotional states of shame, guilt and apathy to more positive states of love, joy and peace.

The basis of his work is to draw awareness to the fact that humans can move beyond their current state of conscious evolution through concentrated effort and a willingness to let go of beliefs that no longer serve them. The scale starts with the consciousness level of shame which Hawkins gives a frequency of 20 and ends with the consciousness level of enlightenment where Hawkins attributes a numerical range of 700-1000.

Yogic Chakra System

Another very popular model for human conscious evolution is the ancient yogic science chakra system most referred to in ayurvedic, acupuncture, Chinese, Japanese or Tibetan energy medicine. This system refers to the subtle energy centers located within and around the human subtle body and serve as the energy regulators for human conscious awareness. Chakras are located all throughout the subtle body but the most powerful centers are located along the spinal column and start with the muladhara and extend to the sahasrara. This very complex energy system also serves as a model for human conscious evolution as the energy starting from the root chakra also known as the muladhara, deals mainly with physical survival and preservation of the species. An individual whose energy is focused on the higher chakras of the ajna or sahasrara interact with life from a more integrated place of wholeness, have a keen sense of perception and clarity and are no longer subject to limited belief systems or subconscious programming.

Evolving Past Victim Personality and Moving Towards Creator Being

All of these models of human evolution parallel each other with regard to progressive states of self-awareness. When an individual is only mildy self-aware they are primarily concerned with survival and self preservation. Individual’s occupying this energy level feel a strong sense of separation from everyone and everything, see the world as black and white, and feel as if life happens to them. Many individual’s unconsciously adopt a victim-like personality due to the lack of foresight for creating better life situations for themselves. Additionally, these people lack the fundamental understanding that their thoughts, emotions and actions create their reality.

However, as individuals correlate their thoughts and emotions to outside circumstances they are better able to manage their day to day lives with some level of consistency. The next phase would then be to understand the energy dynamics of human relationships and how our sense of self evolves through the mirroring of other’s behavior.

Many individual’s are locked into a constant power play of relationship dynamics and can stay there for a lifetime without maturing past this maturation phase. It’s hallmark is the preoccupation with other people’s thoughts, opinions and feelings and the tug of war that ensues when an individual simultaneously wants to be accepted by a person or group but also wants to be free from imposed expectations and belief systems. 

Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict-ridden as they are now. As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold on to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness. – Eckhart Tolle, The Power Of Now

More mature individual’s recognize the need to be involved in relationships but not overly entangled in other people’s affairs. They have the ability to disengage before any emotional power plays begin. The ability to do this comes from a place of deep understanding that one is not defined by another and expectations for seeking happiness outside of oneself is the cause for all suffering.

This process of conscious evolution towards a more integrated and whole Self is the journey of all of humanity. Progressive states of higher consciousness are held by individual’s interested in going beyond the limitations of the body and mind and being in union with existence; the true definition of yoga. It is everyone’s destiny to evolve to the highest pinnacle of human evolution. The only question is, how can one go about quickening the process?

If You Want Happiness – You Must Take Responsibility

Everyone seeks happiness and wants to be happy, the limitation is simply the assumption that external things, people, places, or experiences bring on the feeling of happiness. This premise is false as happiness is actually a quality of consciousness that is innate to all human beings and is brought about when more conscious awareness is evident in a given individual. As one acquires more power and evolves consciously this sense of innate happiness, joy, contentment and bliss is an every moment reality. Thus we come full circle to our initial discussion of cultivating greater awareness and mindfulness in our daily lives because people have been told that this is the only way to maintain lasting happiness.

Humanity is at a very interesting stage where we are actively seeking solutions to the issues and problems that we have created. There is greater awareness to our environment, we are taking better care of our physical bodies and we feel drawn to mentors, guides, teachers and spiritual life coaches who have walked the path before us and can extend a helpful hand to assist in our conscious growth.

So what can we do to quicken our conscious evolution so that we may feel unlimited freedom, happiness, and joy? The most important thing that anyone can do is to start where they are and accept responsibility for everything in their life. After we accept our reality as it is without running from it, evading it, denying it, justifying it, excusing it, or ignoring it we must be willing to do the work necessary to grow. Growth means change and change often times means feeling uncomfortable in new surroundings.

“I want to change you” – that is not a revolution. “I’m willing to change” – now this is a revolution. – Sadhguru

Change can take many forms and includes all dimensions of being human including: physical, mental, emotional and energetic.

How To Be Happy – Physical, Mental, Emotional and Energetic Dimensions

Humans have two dimensions that we are consciously aware of; the physical and the mental/emotional. Some individual’s have a heightened sensitivity to the energetic dimension of prana, ki, chi, shakti, etc either through consistent spiritual practice or due to previous karmic implications.

With regard to the physical dimension, individual’s can certainly put more awareness to their diet as this has a direct effect on resulting hormones, moods, and mental clarity in everyday life. Eating more raw natural foods such as fruits, vegetables, nuts and legumes while limiting the intake of sugar, refined carbohydrates, alcohol, caffeine and chemical preservatives are all straightforward ways to give ourselves a natural energy boost and feel better both in body and mind.

Additionally, regular and consistent exercise that includes both cardio exertion for our heart health as well as weight training to maintain bone density and muscle strength is also necessary to keep our bodies fit as we navigate through life and get older. Other ways to enhance our energy levels and resulting mood everyday: drink purified water, get direct sunlight, breath fresh air and receive enough rest so we are not always running with a sense of energy depletion.

On the mental and emotional dimension we can limit our exposure to negative news, superfluous celebrity gossip, sensationalized politics, or time wasting behavior on social media outlets. Our ‘mental diet’ and what we choose to let enter our consciousness on a daily basis is just as important as having a healthy food diet. If we are bombarded with negative stressors on a daily basis our bodies are constantly running on a fight, flight or freeze response with high cortizone levels that toxify our blood and organs. If left unchecked this way of living manifests in lowered overall immunity which can create autoimmune diseases, hormonal disruptions, an overly sensitive neurological system and leave the body susceptible to pathogens such as viruses and bacterial infections.

We must also take responsibility for the environment that we live in and the people that we surround ourselves with. if left unchecked, negative energies from unhappy and unhealthy people can profoundly affect our well being and build up overtime to create physical dis-ease and mental imbalances.

Finally, we also must take responsibility for our energy state. This more elusive dimension can be accessed through meditation, contemplation, concentration, and psychosomatic methods such as massage, reflexology, acupuncture, eft, emdr, chanting, hatha yoga, kinesiology, homeopathy, bach flower remedies, and many more.

Meditation is the best way to cultivate a greater sense of peace and joy in life while also assisting in the conscious evolution of the individual. As one meditates and accesses higher and finer levels of consciousness the individual lets go of old negative programming, resolves subconscious fears and anxieties, forgives old traumas and emotional wounds, can sustain more powerful vibratory energy pulsating though the body/mind and allows one to perceive from a much higher perspective of freedom and natural bliss.

In this way we take control of our conscious evolution through the four dimensions available to us. We no longer have to be the victims of outside influences and situations and see ourselves as separate and alone. As we mature and progress we know we are a small part of the greater whole of humanity and existence itself and help boost others through our higher frequency. The kindness, love, forgiveness and compassion we offer ourselves is also automatically offered to others as we go about our daily lives. 

We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become. – David R. Hawkins

In what ways have you taken control of your life to evolve to a higher and finer level of consciousness? What results have you seen in your life and what effect have you had on others?

Personalized Spiritual Roadmaps – A Unique Offering From BYC 🙏

Did you know that everyone is on a spiritual path?

As self-aware beings we are on the path of the evolution of consciousness.

As we go about our lives, learning, growing, self-reflecting, integrating, and maturing, we continue to evolve our state of consciousness. 

In fact, anything that helps us to remain aware of the present moment and conscious of our inner world can be considered a tool for our continuing conscious evolution. 

What Are Spiritual Tools?

Religions, philosophies, and creeds offer different tools to help people get in touch with their true Self. Some tools involve guidelines and recommendations for everyday living, other tools incorporate daily practices, and others clarify complex truths through teachings and ways of seeing the world. 

As everyone is unique and comes from a different upbringing and cultural background, so there are different spiritual paths and tools that different people are attracted to and resonate with. 

Part of my job as a spiritual teacher, mentor and guide is to help my clients gain a better understanding of their beliefs and ways of seeing the world. By understanding what lens or perspective you are experiencing reality through, I can then hand-pick various tools that will work best for your unique outlook. 

For example, some people benefit from integrating the past in order to realign into their present. In this case we work on healing old wounds through integration, compassion and understanding. Without this necessary step many people will not allow themselves to move forward. They remain stuck. 

For other people, it is a matter of deep diving into their subconscious to uncover limiting beliefs that are holding them back. It is a ‘soul retrieval’ of sorts and the discovery of these lost or ignored aspects of their greater self helps to integrate them into the present moment as a fully functioning and consciously aware being. 

Other people have a lot of drive and energy but can’t seem to get out of their own way. For these individuals there is a calling of ‘slowing down’ and getting in touch with one’s body consciousness and higher awareness. Incorporating meditation, self-inquiry, and daily journaling help to facilitate going deep within themselves in order to go beyond. 

There are countless other examples and variations of different ways in which individuals limit themselves from fully experiencing the present moment in a calm, clear, and fully conscious state of mind.

No matter where you are or how stuck you may feel, there is a tool available that can help you along your path.

The tools I offer resonate with your state of self-awareness and receptivity. Not all tools work for everyone. There must be a resonance in energy and a willingness to give the tool a try. 

How Can A Personalized Spiritual Roadmap Help Me?

Over the course of our 3 or 6 month coaching journey together, I work very deeply with your energy to understand which tools will work best for you. You can think of these tools as ‘permission slips’ that open a door for you to rediscover who you really are.  

All teachings, beliefs, practices, philosophies and religions are tools. They were created by the human mind to help advance and expand consciousness. Whatever you are drawn to determines which path you are on and which tools will work best for you. 

As you continue to evolve in consciousness the use for various tools will dissolve. But this is a very advanced state of higher awareness and comes with the realization that all tools can only help point to the truth but isn’t in itself truth.

Like the old zen teaching of pointing to the moon:

The finger pointing to the moon is not the moon.

In other words, the finger is what is guiding you to see the moon. Without the aid of the finger you might have missed it; the pointing finger (the tool) is not what really matters. It is just pointing you to the truth.

The tool can point and show you the way, just as any religion, ritual, teacher, strategy, philosophy or practice can show you the way, but it can never be Truth.

Guided meditations aren’t about creative visualization. It is about helping you to see the nature of your mind, empowering you to be a creative being, and encouraging you to take responsibility for your creations.

Breathing techniques aren’t about breathing. It is about understanding the connection of the breath or life force to your state of consciousness and thereafter consciously choosing how one wishes to experience life.

Journaling isn’t about journaling. It is about helping you connect the dots of your belief systems and the reality and world that you are creating for yourself.

Stilling your mind isn’t about relaxing and being peaceful. A naturally still or meditative mind is about knowing the source of creation; experientially knowing or realizing who and what you really are.

So, what spiritual path are you on? What tools have you used that worked for you? What tools are no longer working?

Contact me for your own Personalized Spiritual Roadmap with tools guaranteed to work uniquely for you!

I look forward to working with you!

With you in wholeness,

Elizabeth

What is a Miracle? Synchronicity? Serendipity? Coincidence?

Would you know it if you saw it, felt it, heard it, touched it? 

Do you expect angels to fly down and grant you your wish? Answer your prayers? Solve your problems? Save you?

There is a great parable that I heard many years ago that has stayed with me for quite some time. Maybe you heard of it? 

The Drowning Man

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

Everyday Miracles

We are surrounded by miracles, every moment, every instant, every second. But, these miracles may not be what you consider to be miracles. 

Do you consider it to be a miracle to be alive? To spontaneously heal a wound? To digest food? To automatically breath? To beat your heart? 

Do you wake up grateful for the opportunity to live another day? Do you revel in the ordinary; a bee buzzing, a tree swaying, a friendly smile and wave, sunlight, fresh food, warm bed?

The ordinary reveals the extraordinary if you only have eyes to see it.

But as you know, belief dictates percepetion, and you will miss all the miraculous if you, like the drowning man, expect some grandiose act.

Synchronicities or meaningful coincidences happen all the time. Little miracles are everywhere

There is only one thing you need to do!

You’ll have to let go of your so called “problems”, the need to be “saved”, and the thought that happiness exists somewhere in the non-existent future because if you allow these things to dominate your mind then you’ll miss the obvious.

What do I consider a miracle? Hmmmm,…find out in today’s video!

And for those of you that are up for it, there is a homework assignment too!  

How To Get Rid of Suicidal Thoughts

Suicide. Self-annihilation. Killing oneself. Death. 

These are harsh words for anyone to hear, much less contemplate. Even some of the best therapists shy away when they hear a patient talk of suicidal thoughts. 

When it comes to harming oneself, there are many mixed emotions and feelings that surface within a human being’s mind.

We are entering the holiday season with Thanksgiving being right around the corner. Many emotions will be surfacing as we navigate this new chapter while still dealing with a global pandemic. Suicide and suicidal ideation is on the rise. 

This mental health crisis is seen across the world with so many people struggling to work from home, stay indoors, social distance, wear masks and manage family responsibilities with at home schooling. There are many that have lost their jobs, have limited income, and don’t have access to family or friends. The impact of all these external changes can be seen everywhere. 

I hope that you will join me in discovering how this question can be answered in today’s video. 

 

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Elizabeth Hancock CPC, CSC - Yogi, Mystic, Artist

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